Category: Spirituality

Forever, ever?

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We’re a forever oriented species. We think that if something can stand the test of time (which is an oxymoron considering time is indefinite), then it means something, it’s worthy of our attention. Relationships, jobs, happiness-the closer we aim to “forever,” the more it holds significance. We are obsessed with endings in this weird, meta way, in that if an ending happens, it means we Failed At The Thing, but if there is no ending at all, then it’s a success. So if something just trails on until the sun collapses in on itself and the universe’s consciousness shrivels up, that’s the marker of triumph? 

An ending is not an omen. It actually doesn’t even hold the binary of good and bad within itself; an ending is by definition neutral. I am always moved by the saying “all is well that ends well,” because it highlights the idea that it isn’t the ending we should fixate on, but everything that happens before it. If you truly loved someone with all the vulnerability and heart you could muster, and it ended, it doesn’t automatically curdle the entire relationship. If you proved yourself time and time again in your workplace and still found reasons to quit, it doesn’t mean that part of your resume needs to be burned. In your happiest moments, if you truly embodied the feeling and enwrapped yourself in every molecule of joy, it doesn’t make the lulls in your happiness proof you never had it in the first place. 

An end is change, and truthfully, I don’t think we’re forever oriented-i think we’re change resistant. Something starts and we’re so enamoured with the newness of it all that we hope and pray its trajectory never changes. New experiences are juicy and good for the brain. An ending must mean all this potent neural carving must come to a screeching halt, right? 

An ending is nothing more than a new experience flipped over. If you can’t let things end, all that luscious work your brain does during the newness will crack and dry into resentment. It is imperative we let endings take their natural course in our lifetimes, because that is the ebb and flow of the universe itself. Things begin and end in complete neutrality-why do we think our life experiences are any different? 

The Taste of Rock Bottom

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Reaching the lowest lows gives you a different appreciation for the highs. When you’ve truly looked rock bottom in the eyes, nothing or nobody can take that away from you, no matter what heights and accolades you reach. It’s a deeply personal place for everyone, wall to wall full of your mistakes, your shadows and the parts of yourself that were never nurtured. Once you’ve genuinely had a long stay in this place, cleaned up the cobwebs and dusted a little, is when you can leave triumphed and forever changed.

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The Suppressed Spirit of Wintertime

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I find the hustle and bustle of this time of year to be almost ironically the opposite of how we should be spending this time. Winter should be for retrospection and isolation of self, but instead we expend our energy, stretch it even further thin than we normally do. If you celebrate Christmas, it can be an intense time, spent mostly with others and probably ending with an exhausted huff when you do finally have a moment to yourself. New Year’s Eve and Day, which is only significant to the Gregorian calendar, can be even more exhausting, performative, and guilt ridden. We analyze our calendar years and feel like we haven’t done enough. The season of winter is a challenging one for us humans, simply because we made it that way.

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No Pain, No Gain

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Why the “love and light” side of spirituality is bullshit

We come into the world in a stark, painful way. I’m sure there’s a lot of symbolical beauty in the birthing process, but until I have my own children, I can only see it as a physically excruciating process. We sit inside our mother’s womb, pretty content with things. Its warm, there’s a constant flow of nutrients, and you’re protected from the elements. You’re conscious, but in a very primal way. Your biggest stress is if your mom moves abruptly and it shifts you slightly left. But then the body encompassing you decides its time. Hormones surge in and the uterus contracts and you’re kicked out. And by kicked out, I mean you go through what I believe is your first traumatic event as a human. Your soft, malleable skull is pushed through an opening 10 cm wide (at best). Your entire body is squeezed through the vaginal canal. You’re ejected from your warm safe haven into a cold world, literally and figuratively, covered in blood and amniotic fluid. You are thrown into a new reality where you know absolutely nothing and cannot recognize anything but your mother. The first sound you make as a human is a guttural cry, to purge your lungs. Not to mention you’ve put the person who literally gave you your life through possibly the worst pain of their life. The cord that served as your lifeline for 9 months is severed, and you’re a part of the world now. No big deal, I guess.

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