I would rather people just be enigmas to me. Just ideas, just figments of what I can conjure up in my mind; they stay better that way. They respond how I need them to. Their past doesn’t get in the way. It’s just smoke and mirrors. I prefer people that way.Continue reading “Smoke and Mirrors”
I spent my childhood looking over my shoulder,
growing stiffer and colder,
afraid of my fragile soul being demeaned;
I would have rather no one intervened.
But, my bedroom was never a safe haven away from prying eyes and concerned looks
So whenever I was craving
a peaceful, private nook
To the bathroom I would spring,
my place to be understood.Continue reading “An ode to the bathroom.”
There is all the joy in the world to be found in the inconspicuous, seemingly meaningless intricacies of regular life. I am a devout advocate for enjoying the small, in-between moments. I refuse to be the adult who counts down to the weekend, to their vacation days, to some irrelevant time in the future. I refuse to have societal blinders on so tight that I can’t appreciate the simplicity in front of me everyday.Continue reading “Freshly Fallen Snow and Viscous Vanilla Scents”
I heard the incessant tapping on my window. Not again, I groaned internally. I turned over onto my side and grabbed a pillow to squash over my head in hopes of drowning out the noise. Tap, tap, tap. It wasn’t letting up. I peeked at the clock sitting on my dresser a few feet away. 2:06am. Unbelievable, I thought to myself. Same time every night! Frustrated, I whipped my blankets off of me and aggressively drew my curtains. A large, indistinguishable black mass was hovering outside my window. It freaked me out the first time, but I’ve gotten used to it now. I banged on the window in an attempt to scare it off. It just slowly lapped in the air, like small waves. Well, fuck, I thought. I’m not getting rid of this thing. I turned over to sleep.Continue reading “On the Fragility of Life”
Dream states are altered consciousness
and I know this
but the theory is immortalized as I slip into the abyss.
a white noise app fills the silence of the night. I pick familiar sounds to soothe my slumber-a crackling fire, a heavy rainstorm, roaring city streets. They envelop me in warmth and nostalgia.
I drift, closer to sleep.Continue reading “Every Night I Am Not Here”
When you already feel a million years old in your soul, it’s hard to want to grow old.
My chance to watch the world in wonder has already walked away from me.
Now, I look with grief stricken eyes.Continue reading “Past, Present, Future.”
Accessing my higher consciousness is a rather particular process. I picture my name. It holds so much power. I imagine my energy, a feeling like rods of cold glass, coursing through me. I begin to buzz. I am aware of my clothes touching my skin and I can taste the inside of my mouth. My hands are heavy and clumsy. My solar plexus feels warm. That’s when I know.Continue reading “I asked and I received: a testament to the power of the mind.”
This year, I got a taste of a type of introspection even I am not used to.
This year, I have lived (and am still living through) a global pandemic. I must admit, the lockdowns and closures did not drastically change my way of life. A true introvert, guilty as charged. But, assimilating into keeping our distance from everyone, even loved ones, wearing masks in public-I adopted these practices without a second thought. When I started dreaming about forgetting my own mask when going out and being confronted at work with people without one was when I realized that this entire pandemic has scarred me deeper than I’d like to admit. I’m beyond grateful that everyone close to me is healthy, but the amount of microtraumas we are all experiencing, along with the mass amount of death, makes me weary for us. We have much undoing for ourselves in this decade. Yet, I am oddly hopeful.Continue reading “This Year”
I find the hustle and bustle of this time of year to be almost ironically the opposite of how we should be spending this time. Winter should be for retrospection and isolation of self, but instead we expend our energy, stretch it even further thin than we normally do. If you celebrate Christmas, it can be an intense time, spent mostly with others and probably ending with an exhausted huff when you do finally have a moment to yourself. New Year’s Eve and Day, which is only significant to the Gregorian calendar, can be even more exhausting, performative, and guilt ridden. We analyze our calendar years and feel like we haven’t done enough. The season of winter is a challenging one for us humans, simply because we made it that way.Continue reading “The Suppressed Spirit of Wintertime”
Earth and Air are elemental opposites in astrology. Earth is grounding, mature, reliable, practical, prepared. Air is fickle, highbrow, unquantifiable, clever, curious.
Earth is tangible. You can plant your bare feet into soil and massage it between your toes, grab it and watch it discolour your hands and feet. Air is indefinable on its own. You can watch it sway trees and move oceans, but you cannot see air alone.Continue reading “Earth and Air in Astrology”